2:45 a.m. | 2013-08-08
yeah

Most days - and by most I mean essentially all - I am 100% convinced I am going to die having never been loved. It sounds so melodramatic, and it's so rarely true, most people who feel this way will have someone to fall in love with them, it's not exactly a hard goal for most of us. I'm tired of being the anomaly, being wired wrong, being unable to connect.

I've been home since April. Being with my family has been so great. I start school again on the 29th, back to that empty apartment. I feel bad for getting an education at a private college when I'm not sure I want to make it to 25. I guess you can't pause your life - well, the very miniscule thing I call a life - because of suicidal idealizations.

I want to have something happy to write about in here someday. Until then.