10:50 p.m. | 2016-08-31
JOB-RELATED ANXIETY!

i got another job!

i'm thrilled because it basically went like this:

scheduled a phone interview. completely flopped. got a generic "thanks but no thanks we'll keep your application on file tho :)" email. went home and moped, cried, wondered how i was ever going to escape switchboard operator hell if i couldn't even get a phone interview right as a person whose job is literally answering phones. got an email a week later that said they'd decided to do a second round of in-person interviews if i was still interested. put my pride aside and said yes. interviewed monday, job offer tuesday. two week notice TODAY!

money-wise i'll be making the same, but on a professional level i am so STOKED because it's such a step closer to where i want to be long-term. i am on cloud nine. but i am simultaneously living in fear that something will go wrong. my notice is in at work, that is done, but i don't start this job until the 21st and it requires a few (standard) hoops i'll have to jump through. realistically speaking there should be no problems but i'm so used to the other shoe dropping that i basically already have my hands shielding my head in self defense. all i can think is "what if they change their minds? what if they decide they should do a THIRD round of interviews? what if by some clerical error my background check fails? what if they just give my interview more thought and realize their initial rejection was spot on?"

i'm so afraid to be happy. i got this news yesterday and from the second i hung up the phone it has been me at war with two sides of myself, excitement and terror. but if this works out, i feel like i might be able to breathe a little easier next time. and the time after that, and the time after that.

and sometimes i'll get to just be happy.

so here's to hoping. see you soon, september 21st.