12:19 a.m. | 2014-05-13
keep it upstairs

I've realized recently that the only way to really define yourself as a person is through your interactions with others. You can sit around self-reflecting all you want, but the only way to truly identify your character is through your reactions to situations, which generally involve other people. What I'm trying to say is that I have no idea who I am. I have such limited life experience that when I try to reduce myself down to key traits or take a stupid Myers-Brigg personality test I'm left floundering.

I know this is a typical teenage-to-twenty-something problem, but I feel like at 23 most have reached the resolution stage. I still feel like a total blank slate. And not in a fun "waiting to be written on" way, more like an "I keep trying to write on this shitty slate but it just absorbs the ink" one. I think maybe the only words that are sticking are "anxious", "depressed", "apathetic", and "lazy", and those aren't the shining accolades I'm aiming for. But how do you even begin changing what defines you? Especially when what makes you fundamentally you is fear of change?

Answer: you don't.