9:42 p.m. | 2012-12-09
bite my tongue and torch my dreams

i feel like every day i lose a little more of my mind. it's nothing that people on the outside can really see, i seem like a normal shy person when someone looks at or speaks to me, when i talk to my family i'm my normal sarcastic jokey self, but inside i am losing my damn mind. it's too easy. i don't know how to say "my life is out of control" and no one notices. caught between wanting them to notice and wanting them to remain oblivious. caught between wanting to die and feeling convinced that one day things will change. but ha, they won't. i've been waiting so long. i haven't found it in myself to take the reins yet, and there's no reaching out from others. this isn't an indie movie. i'm not a cute damaged girl waiting to be swept up by a well-meaning individual with a big heart. i'm just biding my time until i gain the courage for death or repair. neither of which seem particularly forthcoming.